"It doesn't look groomed and looks immature."

Learning how to build a regimen is challenging enough and receiving negative comments from our loved ones and strangers doesn’t make the transition to natural hair any easier. When it comes to the ones closest to us, sometimes they mean well but do not have the most effective communication, which seems to be the case for NifaDean from Curly Q&A. Recently, her mother made comments about her hair looking unpolished and not age appropriate and NifaDean wants to know what she should do.

Question

“My hair is Type 4C. When I wash it, I braid it over night to stretch it out. The next day it is still very coily but I usually style it by doing a flat twists either side of my head or two flat twist from back to front and pinned. My mum says I can’t style my hair when it is coily, it doesn’t look groomed and looks immature. She says I should only style fully stretched hair.

We have this back and forth after every wash day. I like my hair coily and stretched, I think they both look neat, as long as the style is neat.

Thinking of getting braids to have a break from the constant comments.”

My mum says I can’t style my hair when it is coily, it doesn’t look groomed and looks immature.

Answer

You can do whatever you want with your hair. If you like to style it wet or dry, then do it. Only you are responsible for maintaining your own hair, so if your preference should always take precedence over someone else’s sentiments. Also remember that everyone is not the best at communicating. Oftentimes the lack of tact can either be unintentional or a projection of how that person feels about himself or herself, but I’m not your mother’s daughter so that is for you to determine. Although the comments about your hair not looking groomed and immature are unwarranted, maybe she has a point about stretching.

Benefits of stretching 4c hair

Maybe mom is trying to help you out. Many 4c naturals swear by stretching their 4c hair for numerous reasons: less tangles, stretching, and easier styling. After you have allowed your hair to dry overnight and you are about to restyle it in the morning, consider using a rat tail comb to create even lines. I’m not sure if you want to wear your hair tucked or loose, but consider using one of these 7 Gorgeous Styles to Stretch Your Hair.

Read more: Do’s and Don’ts of 4C Hair, According to Your Favorites YouTubers

Do you have more tips for NifaDean?