Search Results: Khadija Bilal
I’ve never had a perm, but from a young age, I was taught to have a problem with my natural hair.
I learned that, in spite of what my parents tried to instill in me, my hair would never be acceptable. My mom became the 4C curl whisperer out of love and admiration for what her hair couldn’t do. She always prayed for a little girl with hair just like mine. So she had no problem sitting down to do my hair on Sundays or impromptu nights out of the week for the first 13 years of my life. She took pride in my hair for the both of us, so it was no coincidence that she made sure no perm could even be in the same room as me.
When I got older, and my mother’s fingers got tired, the responsibility of what was seen in my eyes as “the burden,” passed on to me.
I’ll never forget the first time I tried to put my hair in a ponytail and tears streamed down my face when I couldn’t get all my hair into the Goody band.
(Cue the teenage dramatics.”>
It was always rough, untamable, massive, dense, and seemingly intolerable. I just knew I couldn’t do it, especially lacking the same creativity, excitement, patience and above all, love that my mom had.
From that moment, my natural hair journey had begun.
My mom had done everything for me and my strands until I was about 13 years old. Around that time, I started two strand twisting for my life. There were hardly any products — or at least, none that I knew of — at the time, so hair grease and water were my very best friends and I loved to experiment with the curling iron. Even though I tortured my hair, and I know I did, around the time that I started to do it myself was when I started to love it. I started realizing the versatility of my hair and just how far twisted styles could go. I taught myself how to flat twist when I couldn’t figure out how to cornrow and came up with elaborate updos to show off my skills. I learned how to blow-dry my hair; the comb attachment became my sidekick when it took too long to dry.
And while doing my hair was still an arduous task, everything I learned about the unruliness and unacceptability of it suddenly went out the window when I took responsibility for it myself.
With the rise of YouTube and SheaMoisture that came during my junior year in college, things did get a bit easier.
My natural hair journey so far has taken a lot of patience, risks, experimentation, innovation, a lot of creativity, and self-love. It has taught me strength and resilience, and what I’m truly made of. And while I can’t slick it all the way down, use just one Goody band, or even commit to a wash and go, it can do 100 things and more, and will always show me just what it’s made of. I can honestly say that my hair has taught a valuable thing or two about loving myself, and I remain open to more of its lessons.
Need more Khadija in your life?
Read: Why I’m Replacing New Year’s Resolutions with This New Practice
Follow: @thepoetessdij
Have you ever came home from work, school or some other event that required being outside but just want to lay in your bed with your hair still out?
photo courtesy of @thoughtscaughtinmyfro
Do you find that your fingers and hands are too lazy to twist, braid, and put your hair away? Do you find yourself just lazily throwing a scarf or bonnet over your tresses from the day and calling it a night? Does the thought of picking a proper hairstyle or product feel you with crippling anxiety?
Is this you?
Then you have experienced a very common feeling among all naturals… everywhere.
You, my friend, were being a Procrastinatural.
Cue violin horror music.
While being a “procrastinatural” may seem like a daunting instance among any curly girl anywhere, it is nothing to be ashamed of or intimidated by. Just ask fellow naturalista Nyla Spooner, founder of the blog, Thoughts Caught in My Fro. She’s also the person who happened to coin the term.
Who — or what — is a Procrastinatural?
“A procrastinatural is someone who either went natural by accident, leaves their weave in too long, or gets overwhelmed with the maintenance of having natural hair and in doing so, tends to avoid all the things they should really do for hair upkeep,” says Nyla. “They’re not lazy, but more so anxious about the process itself.”
How the term came to be
“I was actively procrastinating washing my hair and waited 3 weeks. I don’t like spending too much time on my natural hair, and any style that takes longer than 30 to 45 minutes I just don’t have the patience for. I stay in a wig. The anxiety surrounding styling natural hair just forces me to procrastinate, hence the term procrastinatural.
Generally, when I am stressed out or I’ve had a long day. Also, if I have a protective style and I think it’s cute, I’m gonna ride that wave for as long as I can *laughs*. You’re afraid to do anything to damage your own hair. I’ve never really found a style that keeps my hair moisturized or any combination of products that I really love, so that adds to my anxiety around my hair. I procrastinate in every part of being natural. I just don’t like the feeling of hair stressing me out because it’s lower on my list of priorities.”
How to combat that feeling
“I find a good stylist that understands that I’m a procrastinatural,” says Nyla. “She’s going to help with upkeep and maintenance, and find a protective style that works for me. Once you commit to the maintenance, you must commit to taking it out when the time comes. I do feel better when I actually get my hair done. I think a big part of procrastination is building up all this anxiety around doing it, but doing it is what makes you feel better. Procrastinators use circular logical to defend the fact that they’re procrastinating, but as long as you just do it, you feel good.”
Don’t feel ashamed.
“Don’t feel any shame in being a procrastinatural, even if you can’t execute a style you’ve seen on YouTube or from other naturals. What is for you is for you, and you have to do what’s best for you. So don’t be shamed into trying something you’re not comfortable with.”
Ladies, weigh in in the comments.
Are YOU a procrastinatural? Does your natural hair give you anxiety?
Follow Nyla on Instagram @thoughtscaughtinmyfro
I feel like I learn the most about myself when I am alone.
I haven’t always felt this way; in fact I used to spend a lot of time hiding behind people and activities just so I wouldn’t have to be by myself. But getting older, I started to realize how much I enjoyed being alone. In not so many words, solitude became my solace from the world and I learned to embrace it. Those moments alone are where I began to learn the most about myself. Based on a multitude of experiences coming of age, I’ve started to realize how terrified most people are of being alone. And, honestly I don’t blame them, although it is not as scary as some think. I have definitely been there: latching on to people out of fear of having to confront my own boredom and insecurities. Not to say that’s the case for everyone, but typically people are afraid to face some form of themselves, good or bad, so we tend to use others as a distraction from that.
I knew what my issues were with myself, but who wants to spend time confronting that when there are people who can make you feel better about yourself without having to deal with the pains of growing?
I’ll admit it can be an extremely arduous task and I definitely understand why dealing with people who uplift you easily would be easier than confronting our own thoughts and feelings about ourselves.
College was my first lesson in solitude.
I will never forget my first year, making friends and, ultimately, having to make the decision to be alone. Freshman year you meet so many people who you think you are going to stay friends with the entire time, but that’s usually pretty rare (depending on the people involved”>. I’ll never forget calling my dad, complaining about how the people I called ‘friends’ at the start of the fall quarter had suddenly turned their backs on me later on. Upon expressing how hurt I was and not knowing what to do, without a second thought he told me, ‘Well, be alone’. I sat on the line in confusion, further expressing my displeasure and discomfort with the idea, which he only continued to reply with, ‘Girl, be by yo self.’ My fear only stemmed from the fact that at that time I didn’t know how to do that, and had a large fear of missing out on typical college memories. Later on, it became some of the best advice I have gotten to date.These days, I am at my best when I have spent some time alone.
My dad’s advice has taken me such a long way in my adulthood and even allowed me to develop much better relationships with people. Most days, you can find me reading on my couch, listening to my record player with all the blinds closed, hiding and recharging from the world. My solitude gives me a peace of mind that no one else can give and constantly reinforces my overall sense of self. If there’s any time to do it, your late teens and 20s are the best time to learn yourself. I tend to do a lot of things on my own. Through solitude I discover new places, new movies, new hobbies, new interests, and new facts about myself, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Contrary to popular belief, moments of solitude are when we learn the most about ourselves, and while people can be amazing, they can also be very distracting.
Do not allow loneliness to scare you–learn to embrace it.
It literally teaches you things you would never know in the company of others. Use your solitude to strengthen your self-awareness, needs and wants.
The moment I stopped letting it terrify me, it became my greatest asset and I learned more than I could ever imagine and, even better, people started to enter my life following suit. This goes for romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships, and more. My freshman year following my first run-in with solitude, some of the most amazing people walked into my life unexpectedly and I built some of the best friendships I have to date. The moment I gave up using people as a crutch to counteract my own fears and anxieties regarding loneliness, I evolved into a better version of myself.
So go to the movies, download some music, go for a run, do your favorite activity, or cook yourself a nice meal. Whatever it may be, do something nice for yourself. Take some alone time, whether it be 10 minutes, 1 hour, 3 days, or an entire week, spend some time with you. As I always say no one knows you better than you do and the only way to know those things is to embrace your solitude…
When’s the last time you practiced solitude?
Let us know in the comments below and on Instagram @NaturallyCurly
Follow Khadija’s blog, The 90s Aesthetic and read more of her articles here:
Why You Need to Give Yourself the Gift of Love This Busy Holiday Season
How to Find Your Superpower Through Emotional Expression
Here are some hair care and style suggestions for natural hair during the colder months of the year.
Head-wraps
Head-wraps are a cute and cozy alternative to the various hairstyles we constantly see out. Given my religious background, I have actually been wrapping my hair as long as I can remember, but it was not until my final years of undergrad that I was able to take my head wrap game and transform it into both a fashion statement and a protective style. A great, alternative style that requires nothing but your favorite scarf and a little creativity, you can get just as creative with a scarf as you can with your hair (I mean, I am sure you’ve seen more than a few amazing head wrap photos on your timelines”>.
Some of the most amazing head wraps I have seen are by my favorite Muslimah influencers and bloggers; I suggest looking up a YouTube tutorial to give yourself an idea about how you would want to rock this particular protective style. Also, remember to use silk or satin material to give your hair the most protection during these colder months.
Braids/Twists
Braids and twists are my go to styles during the winter months because they are easy and require low manipulation. I have frequented this protective style for years, and with proper maintenance, they usually last for prolonged periods of time.
During much my time in school, box braids were my signature look and go-to style; I guess you could say I was box braid veteran since I could easily put my hair away for 2 to 3 months at a time with the proper maintenance. Extremely flattering and fun to wear, braids and twists are perfect for the colder months when we are looking to protect our strands from root to end.
Wigs
Now, I know what you may thinking. “Really, sis? Wigs?” But hear me out! Besides head wraps, wigs have to be one of the easiest low manipulation styles out there and as of late, they have become extremely popular within the natural hair community as an affordable alternative to other protective hairstyles such as weaves, braids, or twists. They also give you an opportunity to try a lot of different hairstyles without having to do a thing to your hair, but braid it and cover it with a cap. As a recent newcomer to the wig game, I seriously urge you to give this protective style alternative a try this winter. I remember thinking about how bad I wanted to cut my hair to get the pixie cut look and without the shears or the immediate regret I was able to get the look I wanted with the right wig as you can clearly see, lol. With so many options, you have an endless array of hairstyles to choose from while not having to permanently commit to any. As with the head wrap tutorials, there are plenty of women on YouTube with the skills and reviews to teach you how to find–and slay–the perfect wig for you. As always, I urge you to do your research, but I would also recommend wigs for any and everyone looking to try something new as a protective style.
To sum it up
All the above styles are great ways to give your hair a break and promote growth during the harsh winter months wherever you may be living. Again, think of it as a hibernation period for your hair, as well as a chance to try new things. Maybe you’ve got a few scarves in the closet you have not worn in awhile, or maybe you have been looking for a new protective style that changes up your overall look, but not your hair. Either way, these three options are great ways to give your hair a well-deserved break until your curls are ready to bloom again in the Spring.
Which protective style have you worn this season?
Post a pic on StyleNook and let us know in the comment section below.Read 3 Top Trending Crochet Braid Styles (And How To Maintain Them For Over A Month”>
Having been natural all my life and knowing the powerful reversibility of my hair, I was completely unfazed by the threat of heat damage.
My 4c coils could not hold a straightening to save their lives, so when I made the conscious decision to get my hair pressed after nearly 4 years, you can imagine how cool my demeanor was as I sat in the salon chair. I had even come to the shop with my hair already washed and blow-dried. Not since I found myself in my best friend’s kitchen right before undergrad graduation a few years back had I even seen a hot comb. I honestly did not even think it would hold, but after extensive research and a rather detailed conversation with a hairdresser at a black hair salon in LA regarding my natural texture, I figured I would give it a chance.
Since I am only used to my hair in its most natural state, each time I get my hair pressed I can hardly recognize myself.
I walked out of the salon feeling brand new, admiring my actual length in every window with full hair flips every chance I got! Heat damage was the furthest thing from my mind. After about three weeks as expected, my curls began to make their way back on the scene, starting with my edges and then my roots. The hairdresser told me I used too much oil in my hair last time and if I decided to come back she would agree to wash it for me. This way, the straight texture would last longer. Feeling a bit arrogant about the versatility and bounce back of my hair, I decided, why not? I made another appointment to see just how straight my hair could get. Part of me underestimated the hand of any hairdresser going up against my curls.
Long story short, I walked out of the shop again with weightless feathery flips and curls that showed off my true length once again.
It lasted for about a month, which was longer than I had anticipated. When I grew tired of it and was ready to wash, the horror that was heat damage quickly ensued. Needless to say, I was absolutely mortified! Scraggly and partially straightened ends with not a real curl in sight was now my nightmare. I immediately blamed myself, contemplating reaching for the scissors as punishment for arrogance and neglect.
I immediately blamed myself, contemplating reaching for the scissors as punishment for arrogance and neglect.
One of my friends had to urge me to find other alternatives, just so I would not cut it. Before I knew it I found myself back on the computer doing the same amount of extensive research for treatments as I had done to find a hair salon in the first place. I watched what felt like a thousand videos and pulled a few protein treatments to counteract the damage. After a few weeks, slowly but surely my curls began to come back but a few ends on the right side of my head were still straight. I knew that there was no coming back for my ends since I hadn’t had a trim in quite some time. I knew they were pretty much dead and gone.
Following acceptance, I began to get innovative with my techniques to manipulate my hair and slowly grow it back. I knew because my ends were straight that they seemed never ending. I took mini perm rods and after twisting my hair I’d put them on the ends to create the illusion of curls.
I knew they were pretty much dead and gone.
To my surprise, everybody liked the end result, including myself.
You would be surprised to see what happens when you get creative and find different ways to counteract the after-effects of heat damage. The first thing to remember is that it is not the end of the world, and there are many ways to combat heat damage. You can freak out initially – you need that time to panic and process what’s going on – but do not stay there.
My advice to you
Calm down, breathe. Put your hair away and place all that energy built up from the panic into your research.
Second, keep in mind that it is going to take some time and it won’t be instant; so practice patience with your hair. It will be hard at first, but I promise it will get easier as you move on number 3.
Third, take this opportunity to give your hair and your hands a break to try out new protective styles. When your hair is away, you will definitely spend less time worried about it because you won’t even see it, so just go ahead and get the twists, try crochet braids or find a new wig. Try to choose innovation and patience over panic and sheers, in the end it is just another journey, which means another opportunity to learn and be inspired.
You’re beautiful either way, and I can see it from here.
Follow Khadija on Instagram @thepoetessdij and follow her personal blog, The90sAesthetic.com
